The Spontaneous Hausfrau

Before I get on to day 3′s challenge, I just want to confirm that I really do know how to turn on my oven.  And my range.  For realz, y’all. 

Would you believe that I even have some posts lined up?  Think Chewy Chocolate Cookies, Vegan and Gluten-Free Blondies, and Ice-Cream Sammiches with the afforementioned Chewy Chocolate Cookies. 

Yes, I love desserts.  Yes, I still have all my teeth.  In fact, I haven’t had a cavity in at least 10 years.  See?  Sugar does a body good.

But drugs and alcohol?  Let’s talk about Day 3 – Your Views on Drugs and Alcohol:

Do drugs and alcohol do a body good?  I can come at this from a few viewpoints, all of which have been relevant to me at some point in my life:

1.  The fitness fanatic may say that alcohol is no good because it’s high calorie and calories are not my friend.  And the bodybuilder will say that alcohol is catabolic and most normal people will scratch their heads and wonder what that means.  But drugs could be okay.  If they’re calorie-free or make my delts pop.

2.  The high-school kid through twenty-something may say that drugs are fun and alcohol is legal.  What did you say is in this drink?  Red Bull, Vodka, and Ecstasy.  Cool, how quickly can I chug this?

3.  The person who has experienced a close friend or family member with addiction issues may tell you that drugs are bad, mkay. 

There’s probably a few more arguements I could come up with, but I don’t want anyone to think my life is that exciting. 

My ultimate view is to do what works for you.  We’re all human, but our bodies aren’t all the same (if that were the case, I would be pleased to see Gisele Bundchen with my saddle bags) and we all have different chemistry. 

Some folks can have a few drinks, no biggie. 

I have a friend that spent most of her college years trashed.  She had a fun time and a college experience, but after she graduated, she decided she was an adult.  She put those years behind her and rarely ever has a drink. 

There are other folks for whom one drink is never enough and they’re constantly chasing the euphoria of that first high.  Their lives become unmanageable.  They’re addicts and for them, drugs and alcohol can never have a casual place in their life.  It doesn’t work for them.

Personally, I did the normal experimentation with drugs and alcohol in high school and college.  I hated it.  The first time I smoke a joint, I asked my friend,  “when is this over?”  And then I asked her if she had any nachos.  Alcohol is pretty much the same story, except that my tolerance is so low that 1/3 of a drink takes me straight past buzzed to dddddrrrunk and wowwwww, the room is spinning and excuuuuuuse me while I toss my cookies.

Maybe that’s why my husband married me.  I’m a cheap date. 

But the diet soda?  Don’t you be messin’ with my Coke Zero.

I’ll be getting to Day 2′s topic shortly but I’d like to take a break from our regularly scheduled programing to kvetch about Winter.  I hate it.  It’s cold.  Everything is shades of gray.  There’s snow on the ground.  I’m in Baltimore and it could be worse (Hi, Buffalo.  Or even Boston).  I’m a baby.

Winter makes my husband twitch with excitement over purchases like this.

I become a hermit in the Winter and snow puts me into total hibernation mode.  It’s not that I’m scared of driving in the snow – I have four wheel drive and a brain.  It’s the other folks on the road who don’t.

So, I haven’t left the house in 2 days.  I got myself all showered, dressed and ready to go.  Someplace.  Anyplace.  The 7-11 down the street, if need be.  I peek out the window and see that fat snowflakes are swirling from the sky.

I hate you Winter and your contrary heart.

This anger is good, actually, because it is the perfect transition into Day 2 – Where you’d like to be in 10 years:

Florida!  If I never see another snowflake or barren Oak tree in the Winter, I will be just fine, thank you very much.  Mr. Hausfrau and I are EXTREMELY lucky because we do get to spend some time in Southern Florida during the winters.  One day, we would like to make it permanent and it’s actually a conversation we have alot.

I know I would still miss some aspects of the North:  freshly budding trees in the spring and brilliant folliage in the fall.  Winding country roads and blueberry picking at a local, family-run farm.  Not feeling like the sun is actually sitting on my shoulders in July and August.

For that reason, we might keep a small, summer place up North.  Something like Charlottesville (because I am having a passionate love affair with that city) or Asheville. 

I dunno.  It’s a dream and something to work towards.  But then again, I dream of having 5 dogs and my husband would definitely have me committed then. 

In the meantime, I’ll keep plugging along, saving my pennies and memories of crisp, orange leaves.

So, I was reading Averie’s blog today and she was talking about this 30-day challenge that she saw on someone else’s blog, who saw it on someone elses’s blog and I thought I’d put it on my blog.  Confused you yet?

It’s basically a bunch of topics or writing prompts that are assigned to each day.

It looked like a fun idea and Lordie knows I could use a little bit of help spurring some writing up in here.  (Look, I’ve been real busy and deep in the throes of Hausfrau-ery.  Otherwise known as vacuuming dog fur from the baseboards)

Baby steps.  I promise I’ll do some cooking, too.  Once I dust the dog fur off my kitchen counters.

So, Day 1 – Your Current Relationship

I have been married 1 year in October and we’ve been together 4 1/2 years.  We’re kinda unique because Mr. Hausfrau is 17 years older than me and was divorced with two teenage children when we met.  People often ask us how we met, and it’s actually a semi-interesting story, so I am happy that Day 1′s challenge can start me off on a somewhat compelling foot:

I had been aware of Mr. Hausfrau for a few years before we ever even spoke because he was a regular at my gym.  During those years, I would always notice him noticing me but he never said anything.  Like anything.  Even the few times that I gave him the awkward little head-nod and shy smile that says “Hey, creeper.  I see you and good afternoon.”

I never pursued it beyond self-conscious grimaces because I had a boyfriend at the time, with whom I lived. 

Fast forward to 2006.  After living with that boyfriend for 8 years, he decided that he just wasn’t that into me.  I was 29 at the time and was just released into the world of singlehood.  I was cute. I was successful. I was on birth control.  I promptly signed up a several online dating sites, including Jdate and Match. 

The first month of singledom was fun.  The second month, I was hitting a nice stride and figuring out how to do this dating thing.  The third month sucked.  The fourth month I had all but ended those online dating memberships.  Except I got an email from someone on Match.com.  I opened it and immediately recognized the picture as “that guy from the gym.”  And he had game.  In the email, he wrote, “You look familiar.  Do I know you from somewhere?”

I looked at his profile information and saw that he was 46 and with 2 kids.  I was 29.  Knee-jerk reaction:  Mmm, thanks.  But no thanks.  I didn’t write that, of course. I have better manners than that.  We exchanged a few short and pleasant emails but it never went further than that. (I would learn in later months that his knee-jerk reaction was quite like mine because he assumed at my age that I would want kids and he was over his baby-making years) (and little did he know that the only kind of babies I wanted were the kind that walk on four legs, bark, and occasionally eat their own poop)

So, for a month afterward, we would see each other at the gym and smile each other.  Sometimes a perky nod if one of us was feeling jaunty.  And I then started watching him and admiring his flexing calf muscles on the elliptical.  I’d wonder why he wasn’t talking to me.  I watched him do pushups.  I really kinda wanted him to talk to me.

Coincidentally, I had put dating on the back burner and cancelled all my memberships to the dating sites.  I was over it.  But, alas, he had such nice, muscular calves.  And Match was running a special free membership weekend.  So, I went home, signed up, spent 45 minutes searching for him and decided to cast my line with this sassy email:

Subject:  There’s no way you are 46 . . .

Just no way.

Needless to say, I got a bite and reeled that bad boy in.  Well, I don’t really mean bad boy.  He’s a good boy. 

And I’m really happy to call him mine.

The King Arthur Flour and Williams-Sonoma catalogs always do me in.  They feature all these gorgeous pictures and recipes, conveniently interspersed with the tools and gadgets you need to get the job done.  I suppose that is the purpose of a catalog – to sell you something by creating a need for that something.  Those guys just do a fine, fine job of it, as evidenced by my gadget cabinet:

Top shelf:  various cheese trays, Kitchen Aid meat grinder attachment

Middle Shelf: Salter scale (1 of 3 I actually own), cake decorating kit, mini cuisinart food processor (1 of 2 I actually own), food mill, yogurt maker,

Bottom Shelf:  ice cream sandwich maker, silicone pastry mat, batter dispenser, tofu press, instant-read thermometer, cookie press, V-slicer, mezzaluna type of pizza cutter

Phew!  This doesn’t even include the other pieces that won’t fit (wafflemaker, panini press) and the counter-top pieces that get top billing (the Vitamix, the Kitchen Aid, the Ice Cream Maker, the Cuisnart) (notice that top billing also earns them a “the” before their name).

Shamefully, some of these gadgets haven’t even been used.  They were all purchased with a great fire in my bellly and brilliant plans for how they were going to transform my life, of course, but I have yet to make any homemade ice-cream sandwiches or sassy waffle fries.  The instant-read thermometer hasn’t even left its package, with me opting to use the hand test to check the doneness of meat.

So, I think 2011 is going the be their year.  That’s right, I have just personified my kitchen gadgets. 

What I’m trying to say is that my goal is to use all those gadgets in the cabinet at least once by the end of 2011.  Sounds easy, but that V-slicer has been with me through 4 moves and still no action.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some fries I need to start on.

WordPress automatically inserts a first blog post when someone starts up a blog and titles it “Hello world!” 

I considered changing the title but thought better of it.  I kinda like the tongue-in-cheek bigness of it; me talking to a world that doesn’t know that I exist because I haven’t published anything yet, but whatever it is that I eventually have to say will be exciting and good.

Realistically, it’s more like me throwing the door open and hitting the opposite wall because there is no door stop and, oops, I just made a whole in the wall. 

Hello, world.  Hot mess walking.  Hide your breakables.