Open wide.

This burger is coming to getcha’, getcha’, getcha’, so it’s eat or be eaten.

When I put this guy on a plate, I actually did say, “There’s no way I’ll be able to get that in my mouth.”

Which made Mr. Hausfrau all like, ”Oooh, don’t let anyone hear you say that.”

And it made me all like, “It’s true, I have a small mouth.”

Then he was all like, “Ugh!” before stomping off into the other room.

Leaving me, of course, all like, “Nananana!” behind his back.

In case anyone ever wondered why I don’t want children, there’s your sign. I’m a child, myself. But! But! I’m a child with grown-up tastes. A child for whom this tuna burger is a new favorite burger.

What about this burger do I love? It’s golden crisp on the outside, meaty on the inside and flavor all around, spiked with green onion, cilantro, ginger, and soy.

Yes, yes, yes, and yes. More, please and thank you.

Oh, and it’s glazed with a bit of teriyaki. Are you gonna’ have the rest of that?

In my world, there’s never too much of a good thing.

Now when it comes to serving these, you can take my hulking burger ensemble as a gentle suggestion. If you’re not a fan of mayo, don’t use it on your roll (I’m not judging you or anything, but what the what?)

Maybe you’re allergic to tomato, so leave it off. Perhaps it’s date night, so kick those red onions to the curb.

But the avocado is non-negotiable. As in, you must have it or you will break my heart.

And you don’t want to break my heart. For real. You know, hell hath no fury, and all that jazz.

Teriyaki Tuna Burgers

1 pound raw tuna steaks, cut into 1 inch cubes
3 tablespoons cilantro
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
2 teaspoons dijon mustard
1 slice of your favorite bread, crumbled
2 scallions, green tops only, sliced
1 teaspoon fresh ginger, grated
1 teaspoon soy sauce
1/4 teaspoon pepper
2 tablespoons your favorite teriyaki sauce

Pulse the raw tuna cubes in a food processor 10 times, or until the cubes are half way chopped. Add the cilantro, mayonnaise, dijon mustard, bread, scallions, ginger, soy and pepper. Pulse another 10 times, or until the mixture is half way blended. Do not over process, or the tuna will get mushy.

Remove the tuna mixture to a bowl or large plate and knead the mixture a few times to get all the flavorings and binding combined with the tuna. Divide the mixture into 4 equal portions and form into patties.

Cook the patties on a grill or on the stovetop over medium-high heat, approximately 3 minutes per side. Brush the finished burgers with teriyaki sauce and serve.

What can I say about this tuna and white bean salad?

Uhh, nothing.

Not because it isn’t just the perfect little bite of refreshing and tangy and spa-like deliciousness we need this time of year. Rather because I am totally brain-dead.

In the last 3 weeks, I packed up half my wardrobe and sent it halfway down the eastern seaboard. I packed up a car and corralled 3 dogs into it, driving 16 hours, landing amongst palm trees, sunshine, and perfect blue skies.

And later, Mr. Hausfrau and I took a new neighborhood and empty house by whirlwind, arranging deliveries and appointments to fill that house with this little decorative touch or that little special piece. Because we had company coming and there was shiz to be done.

And now the house is done, the company is gone and I am D.O.N.E.

Fo real, yallz, I’m tured. Yes, tured. Because I’m too tired to say tired.

But, if you must know more about this salad, it’s cannellini beans and tuna, tossed with a lemony, pesto-infused vinaigrette, a smattering of sundried tomatoes, a touch of onion and parsley. It’s healthy, it’s real and if you eat it on a dainty plate, it has half the calories.

So, I’m going to go pass out by the pool with a dainty plate of this balanced on my boobies. Wish me luck.

Tangy Tuna and White Bean Salad

3 tablespoons lemon juice
2 tablespoons olive oil
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 15-ounce can cannellini (white) beans, drained and rinsed
1 7-ounce can of tuna, drained
1/4 cup onion, finely chopped
3 tablespoons parsley, chopped
2 teaspoons pesto
1 teaspoon lemon zest
2 tablespoons sundried tomato, diced

In a medium bowl, whisk together the pesto, lemon zest, lemon juice, olive oil, and salt.

Add the drained beans, tuna, onion, parsley and sundried tomatoes and toss gently to coat. Refrigerate for 30 minutes to 2 hours to blend the flavors. Serve.